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Epistle To The Yutong Driver!   
 
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06-Jun-2011  
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Good Morning, Mr. President. I guess you would not consider my letter an intrusion into your mailbox as your actions as the Number One Citizen of the land would naturally attract queries, comments, gossips and rumours. Being a very dedicated disciple of konkonsa, I write with the conviction that your answers will help clear the fog in my thick skull.

But I’m wondering, just wondering oo, Mr. Yutong Driver. Will this letter be read by your true self or the greedy bastards? My doubt stems from the fact that one of your own recently revealed that all your letters are read to you by the greedy bastards because your vision is becoming blurrier by the day. What about the tale that you are gradually becoming a member of the ‘abodam’ family because you now see human beings heads down and legs up? Is it true? Please do not be offended for I’m only asking to satisfy my curiosity. After all, does the health of the President not concern all and sundry? I pray the rumours away with the sprinkling of the powerful Joshua Water; and I know you will say ‘Amen’ to that.

I hear life behind the wheel of the Yutong bus has so far not been smooth-sailing for you at all. The numerous potholes on the road, your trypanosomiasis-infested blood, and the cry of the passengers for you to step on the accelerator as the current speed is said to be slow, have conspired to make you a bad Yutong driver. But do not despair because a section of the passengers know you are doing what you can.

Some of us know it is not your fault that the bus is moving at such a slow pace. Your leg is on the accelerator; only the bus is refusing to pull. But many think otherwise. They say no matter how hard a tortoise trains it can never become a sprinter; so getting new mechanics to work on the bus and replacing the driver with a very skillful one would do the trick. Do you agree?

We also know that you are doing your best not to doze off behind the wheel, but your heavy eyelids have consistently failed you because they cannot resist the power of the trypanosomiasis parasite. That is why we applaud your deputy’s decision to brew coffee for you to drink to stay awake and alert. Indeed, his recent trip to Brazil, the world’s leading producer of coffee, to bring more coffee for your consumption is very commendable. I now fully appreciate why some say he is the man to sit behind the wheel when you retire. He is indeed very resourceful!

My compatriots and I wait with bated breath for the day you would crack the corruption whip on your appointees. We know you are honest, truthful, candid, upright, god-fearing, genuine, sincere and holier than Yesu Kristo himself. It is in that light that we expect you to honour your promise to investigate all newspaper allegations against your appointees.

With the numerous allegations that your appointees are grabbing properties left, right and centre, your deliberate silence is not only disturbing but also an indication that you are indeed the exact opposite of what you and your minders want us to believe. Prove us wrong if you believe otherwise!

May I use this opportunity to thank you for unveiling the word ‘profligacy’ to your compatriots. No wonder you are a professor. But I want a little clarification on this: During the recent cholera outbreak in Nkrankrom and other cities across the country, a new company, Better Ghana Company Limited, was hurriedly formed and given a whopping $5 million by the state to educate my compatriots on how to prevent the disease and what to do when one contracts it. Obviously, that was a duplication of roles because it was the work of the Ministries of Information and Health.

Much as I try, I cannot get it into my thick skull that an avowed disciple of modesty could dabble in such profligacy. The only explanation I can give for that licentiousness is that, perhaps, you want the directors of the company, who obviously are your cronies, to join you to milk the cow dry. Honestly, that is the only reason I can think of.

Indeed, I have listened to a tape recording which proves that the directors are card-bearing members of your party. So I’m not in the least scared of an invitation from the director of the Bureau of National Investigations (BNI). In any case, be informed that you are not the only one who uses magic rings. I have a magic ring that can make me become invincible. Order the BNI to investigate if you doubt me.

Lest I forget, there is this talk about you which always saddens my heart. The rumour mill says you are impotent. Some say it is figurative while others say it is literal. I’m confused and do not know who and what to believe. But if indeed your impotence has to do with Madam not being able to blow your vuvuzela, then do not be perturbed at all. As a matter of fact, I did provide a prescription some moons back but it seems you either ignored it or did not take notice at all. Just take ADOM KOOKOO or YAFO MANPOWER capsules for only one moon and I bet you Madam’s cry when blowing your vuvuzela would be, “Oh what a great Yutong driver!”

I have a lot to say, but I must go now because I know you need more time to ‘game’ in order to tame the lioness that is trying to devour you. Happy gaming, Mr. President!
 
 
Source: d-Guide
 
 

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