A woman loves to be in a relationship or marriage because it gives her a sense of security, emotional fulfillment and social status. In Ghana, single women do not earn much respect irrespective of their personal achievements.
If a woman finds her man good, she will do all it takes to keep him. Just anything to keep a man will do.
Some go to juju men and fake pastors who for a fee make some women believe that by using a powder or concoction, they can track down any man they love. Some use what they are naturally endowed with; they get pregnant.
To induce marriage Sometimes, using a pregnancy to trap a man works. A man is born competitive and a leader to help women. Pregnancy makes a man alive to his responsibilities. The thought of being a father makes a man more mature, responsible and good. A man is ,therefore, likely to marry a woman who is pregnant.
Sometimes, he wants to see pregnancy to marry his woman because she proves her fertility and therefore a good reason to marry her because in Ghana, children are the focus of marriage.
Sometimes, marriage is forced on him. Some studies suggest that in Ghana, 30 per cent of women are already pregnant when they perform marriage rites.
Sometimes, the pregnancy trap fails.
A typical exchange goes like this:
Ama: Kofi I am pregnant
Kofi: Why didn’t you protect yourself?
Ama: And why didn’t you protect yourself?
Kofi: Get rid of that thing
Ama: Over my dead body
Kofi: Do as you please. I have nothing to do with this.
Some men stick to their threats and some have refused to see their own biological children for many years.
To hold on to bad marriage Some women love too much and will do all to stay in a marriage which is obviously dead. They get pregnant to buy time to resolve their issues because in the Ghanaian culture, you do not divorce a pregnant woman.
This strategy may work, especially if a man wants more children. He decides to give himself a second chance so that he can take good care of his children.
The strategy may also fail. The last thing an angry or a depressed man wants to hear is a wife being pregnant. He denies responsibility and some demand abortion or you leave the house. In the end, the intimacy you sought to build may be shattered.
For personal benefit or pay back Some women feign pregnancy to test the commitment of their lovers. If your man is all over you and promising you marriage soon, his body language when you tell him you are pregnant can be a test of his commitment to the relationship.
There is a case of a young woman who got pregnant because the other woman in his lover’s life got pregnant.
In another case, when a woman in Accra who was in a seven-year relationship heard his man was planning a wedding with another woman in Kumasi, she kept quiet about the tip-off and feigned pregnancy.
The man pleaded for abortion and they settled on GH¢50,000 compensation. The lady showed up at the wedding and sat right in front. The man was surprised to see her and was unsettled throughout the ceremony.
What you must know Men must know that a desperate woman will trap you with pregnancy. The good news is that it takes your sperm to make a woman pregnant.
Anytime you unzip, you can potentially make a woman pregnant even if she uses contraceptive or she is in her menstrual period. Therefore, unless a gun was pointed at your head, it will be unfair to accuse your woman of getting herself pregnant.
Women must also know that pregnancy is no fun and a child is somebody and not a thing. Pregnancy is too precious to be used as a weapon to satisfy a need.
If a man does not want you, a baby cannot hold him down for you. He will find a way to leave. You become ‘born one’ and struggle with piki na boro.
Never use pregnancy as a weapon Anything other than a mutual agreement will be a trap and you may be the worst victim.
Consider the feelings of your lover if you care, love and respect him and mutually decide to have a child.
If you can keep your man only through pregnancy, then you are not worthy of true love.
The writer is the Director of Eudoo Counselling Centre, West Legon.
He is also the author of ‘Your Guide to Marriage, Love Unlimited and The Journey of Love’
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