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Dear Serwaa, When I was too young to impregnate a woman, I often dreamt of marrying a perfect woman, a woman whose qualities would fit into mine like the fitting ends a capsule. But now that I�m old enough to own one, my perception about a perfect woman has changed. I have come to the realisation that there�s no such thing as a perfect partner. If anybody could ever be perfect and meet the specification of my ideal partner, then it ought to have been you. You and I share a common background and have been together long enough to know each other, understand each other and adapt to each other. But it seems we�re still many miles away from becoming that perfect match, though I don�t think it is wise to give up trying. There�s no way the two of us can think alike all the time. What we can do, however, is to think together and grow together. Even identical twins who have been incubated in one womb, possess divergent views and interests about issues. So trying to achieve that perfect consensus will amount to tracing the proverbial foot of the rainbow. This stark reality notwithstanding, there are certain fundamental issues that I think we cannot compromise. It is for this reason that you may find me as a nagging lover. Serwaa, today I want to tell you something that has taken me so long to say. I have the fear that you are likely to be a liability. You are a very intelligent and promising lady. But, like your peers, you have the mentality of a liability, which I want you to discard. That mentality is not peculiar to you. At this stage of our lives, there�s nothing to suggest that I�m better than you. Nothing shows that I should have a better job than you. But anytime we talk about our future, you seem to sound as if we�re entering into a master-servant relationship, shifting all responsibility on me. Unfortunately, it becomes a master-master relationship when we talk about rights and other issues. I think you should learn to see yourself as a contributor, and not a dependant, as far as this relationship is concerned. Don�t mistake this to mean that I am one of those men who try to run away from their responsibilities. Far from it! I will discharge all the responsibilities required of me as a husband and father. But I will also not do what no man of today would want to do � marry a liability. The Encarta Dictionary has, among others these definitions of liability: something for which somebody is responsible, especially a debt; something that holds somebody back or causes trouble, and somebody who prevents a successful outcome or causes social embarrassment. Serwaa, any young lady entering into a relationship expects the man to buy her car, her laptop, mobile phone or anything they need. When the subject of women being dependent on men came up in a class at the University of Ghana�s School of Communication Studies, the ladies protested vehemently. They would not accept the assertion that women are often dependent on them. But when we decided to conduct a simply survey, it was realised that almost all the ladies did not buy their mobile phones themselves. While I see nothing wrong with buying you something you need, I think it will do our marriage if you discard the mentality that it is my duty to fend for you. Most businesses that have sprung out of marriages came through the collective effort of both partners. One should not be gathering while the other merely consumes. One reason we marry is for security. That security is not a preserve of you ladies. We men also need that security. In the case of eventuality in our marriage such as job loss, I should be able to depend on my partner while I strategise. I�m not saying I�ll depend on you but the reality on the ground is far from what we think. That mentality also makes most ladies very lazy and they never live to their full potential just because they think have men they can depend on. Their lives become like incomplete sentences. They end with commas, waiting for the man to put the full stop at the end. Serwaa, please don�t get me wrong. I want you to work hard and live a purposeful life. Work as if you were the one who would single-handedly shoulder the financial burden of our marriage. It may turn out to be so. Yes, it is possible that way. Do you know why some women leave relationships and marriages when their partners lose their jobs or sources of income? Their love does not evaporate all of a sudden. They simply cannot survive. They are long term liabilities who would starve to death if the bread winner of the relationship loses his bread. I don�t want to suffer this fate. Besides the best way to make us financial independent and self-reliant is when each of us has something to offer. We are not entering into a master-servant relationship. Neither are we entering into a competition. I�m not the type of men who think that when the woman becomes self-reliant, they lose their control of the marriages. For this reason, some engage in unhealthy competition. We are going into partnership. Yes, marriage is a partnership. Let me state once again that I will not shirk my marital responsibility. I will, however, not want to marry a liability. In fact guys of today dump ladies who have such tendencies. They may not be open enough, but when we meet we discuss such issues passionately. I have laid bare the plain facts before you. That is the reality, and we must confront it head-on. On this reality shall we build our marriage and the gates of divorce shall not prevail against it. I�m still yours, Azure.