4 Times It's Ok To Be Jealous

Nobody ever wants to be that girlfriend�you know the one. She's the super jealous type who stares down the Starbucks barista for giving her boyfriend extra whipped cream (for free�the nerve). So to combat this persona, many women try to play it cool. But while it's true that you shouldn't fly off the handle at something as innocent and unthreatening as whipped cream, sometimes it's absolutely fine to feel jealous. In fact, a little healthy jealousy may help you realize when things aren't going great in the relationship. "You have to pay attention to these signals," says clinical psychologist Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D. "These could be red flags that the relationship isn't working or that you need to fix something." So before you label yourself as being melodramatic, see if his behaviour mimics any of these scenarios� He always turns to his mom/best girlfriend for advice�and takes it. We're having flashbacks to Charlotte and Trey's mattress-hunting scene with his mother on Sex and the City. Whether you're picking out furniture or choosing a restaurant, if he's listening to everyone else except you all the time, it's natural to feel like he values their opinions over yours. The next time this happens, tell him how upsetting and uncomfortable it makes you feel, says relationship expert Jane Greer, Ph.D., the author of What About Me?: Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship. After all, he may not even realize he's doing it. "As a couple, it's important for you to feel like the two of you are part of a team," she adds. Reassure him that you're totally open to any suggestions his mother/father/brother makes but also remind him that ultimately, you'd like to be able to offer input on important decisions, too�especially if they affect you. He spends more nights with his buddies than you. Spending a healthy amount of time apart is clutch for a relationship, but if he's frequently blowing off date night for guys' night, that's a totally legitimate reason to be jealous. It can make you feel like you're not the first priority or that you don't share the same connection with your guy as they do. But if you insist on him seeing less of them and more of you, you may come off as insecure and clingy, says Greer. When you want to bring this up, sit him down when you're alone and have free time�not right before he's about to go meet his friends. This way it won't feel like he's being cornered and forced to change his plans for you. Make sure he knows that you trust him�and not thinking he's hitting up gentleman's clubs on the regular�but you feel like you aren't spending enough time together. People aren't always good at noticing how they're divvying up their time, says Christie Hartman, Ph.D., author of Dating the Divorced Man. During this discussion, try to think of ways you can spend more time together�both alone and with your respective groups of friends. Essentially, neither of you should feel like you have to pick one or the other. He celebrates work accomplishments with his "work wife" instead of you. Anyone who spends a ton of time at their job knows about "work spouses," and they're often totally harmless. But if he's doing all of his work-related venting and celebrating with them instead of you, it can obviously make you feel out of the loop and unimportant, says Hartman. And if there isn't anything sexual going on between them, he'll probably have a hard time understanding why you're jealous. In this case, it's important to help him see how he would feel if the roles were swapped. Without being accusatory, explain why you're feeling jealous and that you want to celebrate those job wins together, says Hartman�his work wife can wait.