1. Guys who body-shame you. Every time you wear something you love, he suggests you put on something else because it's a little tight or revealing, as if you have something you need to cover up and hide. Or he asks you if you're "going to eat all of that." Yes, I am going to eat all of that and also I'm going to eat your burger since you won't be finishing it because you need to leave my apartment right now. I'm serious.
2. Guys who say "chicks" in earnest. I know there are guys who say "chicks" in a joking way and that's fine, I get it. But guys who legitimately use the word "chicks" as though they're extras in a local production of Grease but are in fact guys who work at a Dick's Sporting Goods and wear frayed front baseball caps and also probably use the word "score" to mean sex probably are not worth your time.
3. Guys who are rude to elderly people. There is almost zero reason to be rude to anyone but particularly to elderly people. Guys who are dicks to the elderly or say things like, "Move it, old man," are insufferable because most elderly people just want to grow old peacefully and are polite to everyone. Seriously, what about that do you have a problem with, Todd? (R.I.P. Lane and Todd, 2013.)
4. Guys who tell you you're "not like other girls." I wish I had a nickel for every time a guy said that to me so I could throw those nickels at their faces. Dude, I read between the lines of that! You mean that I'm not like other girls, who are all horrible idiots in your eyes. But here's the thing: I actually like other women! Love, in fact. Because women are great. Saying I'm not like most girls implies that most of them are worthless or horrible, which isn't true and means you have issues I'd rather never, ever have to deal with. Bye.
5. Guys who are rude to waiters. Waiters, baristas, the movie theater ticket person. If you're talking to them like they're beneath you, then that means you think you're better than they are, which, interestingly enough, actually means you are worse than just about everyone. Also, you don't know that I've never been a waiter before or a barista, and guess what? I have. And I haaaated customers like you.
6. Guys who use the word "slut." If that guy doesn't know by now how crazy offensive that word is or the reasoning behind why it's insane to shame a woman for liking to have sex, since guys are never shamed for that (nor should anyone be), he can start walking now. Also, what is wrong with these dudes? So you want me to have sex with you but not enjoy it? No prob. I can't imagine having sex with guys who call women sluts is ever enjoyable.
7. Guys who say super offensive things, and then tell you they're kidding and you can't take a joke. We have all dated or known this guy at some point. He'll tell you that you look like a fatass in that outfit or that you look like you're 40 when you're only 21, and then when you look rightfully pissed off, he makes fun of you because you can't take a joke. Last time I checked, jokes were funny and had punch lines. But what do I know? I only write them professionally.
8. Guys who won't go down on you. Because it "tastes weird" or "smells weird"? Haha. No. First off, guy junk smells just as strangely as girl junk but you don't see us saying we refuse to do it. We do it because we like you and we like your body. If you like us, you like ours. Period. (No pun intended on that period thing.)
9. Guys who don't like labels. I just hung my head and rolled my eyes because I have dated so many of these guys it's hilarious. Dude, if we've been dating six months and you're not seeing anyone else and neither am I, we're together. No one is tying you to a marriage bed, but we're together. And yes, I suppose that's a label, but seriously, you need therapy.
10. Guys who still talk about one specific ex all the time. If you know his one main ex-girlfriend by name because he constantly talks about how "Sarah" was always like this and "Sarah" is doing this now, just skip this guy all together. I dated someone who made me feel like I actually knew his ex personally because he talked about her so much, and the two of them hadn't spoken in years. Noooo.
11. Guys who never appreciate anything you do for them. I had a friend who was always asking me to do favors for him but would never say thank you, like I owed him all the things he'd ask me to do or I was an employee or something. Entitled people are the living worst. Plus, saying thank you takes two seconds and makes you look super cute.
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